Lonely Ache
by longlivetheEvilQueen
Summary: Trigger Warning! Emma is having trouble accepting certain things about herself, and deals with it in a less than healthy way. Can Regina and their shared son help her accept who she is, and who she loves. SwanQueen Rated M to be safe
1. Chapter 1

**Hey I know it's been a while since I uploaded anything, and I still have to finish A Queen's Happy Ending. But I've been dealing with family shit and depression. Soo yeah. But that isn't any excuse for not uploading anything, and for that I am truly sorry.**

 **TRIGGER WARNING! There is mentions of self harm in this. So if that bothers you or triggers you in any way, please read at your own discreation. Also a SwanQueen story.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own OUaT or any of its charactors.**

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Emma quietly slipped into her room gently shutting and locking the door behind her. She did not want, or need, Snow or David finding out about what she was about what she was about to do.

The blonde opened the top drawer of her dresser. Reaching inside she carefully slid her hand across the top finding the hidden blade tapped inside. Emma froze green eyes widening as the sound of her parents footsteps came from below. Laughter met the blondes ears as the front door slammed shut. The savior released the breath she was holding.

Her hands trembled as she slowly pulled her pale hand out of the dresser. Clutching her prize she fell to the floor. Her breath came out in short shaky whisps. Tears swam in her eyes as the carelessly threw her jacket across the room. She brought the blade to her arm and did not stop until she could finally breathe normally again. Until her heart no longer hollowly ached. Until she felt like herself agian.

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 **Should I continue?**

 **I hope you enjoyed. Hope you have a great day!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Turns out I might have a minor case of tonsillitis and i'm using as many home remedies as possible. So if any of you know any good ways of reliving the swelling or pain could you tell me. Please and Thank you!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own OUaT or any of its charaters.**

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Henry glanced out the window of the diner. The corners of his lips dropped when he did not see his blonde mother anywhere in sight.

"Mom? I'm worried about Ma. She is normally here by now. She never misses a lunch with us. Did she tell you she would be late or something?" The brunette young man quietly asked, his eyebrows drawing together.

Regina eyed the clock, a frown marring her face. Concern for the younger woman pricked her heart. She pulled out her phone and saw that she did not miss any texts or calls from the blonde.

"I haven't heard from her at all today." The former queen sighed, "Once we are done I will go and speak with Emma. Okay Henry?"

The young man nodded as he watched his adoptive mother for a moment longer. She may act as if the blonde's absence does not effect her. And that may fool most of the people of Storybrooke, but not him. Henry could see the concern and confusion swirling together in his mother's brown eyes. How everytime the bell above the door rang her eyes would quickly dart over to check if it was the blonde, only to return a moment later, her lips pressed together tightly. Regina Mills, whether she would willingly admit it or not, truly cared for Emma Swan.

The diner bell rang once more. Glancing over the Mills duo saw a beaming Snow and grinning David making their way towards them. Neal sat comfortably on Snow's hip staring up at he ceiling lights with a curious grin as if they were the most interesting, and wonderous, things his little eyes had ever seen.

Jumping up from his seat Henry gave both of his grandparents a tight hug before kissing his baby uncle lightly on the head.

"Hey Grandma. Hey Grandpa."

Smiling widely both Snow and David gladly greeted their grandson and his brunette mother.

With a slight dip of her head Regina sighed and said, "Hello Snow. David." Her lips parted in a small affectionate smile, "And hello to you to Neal."

The little boy giggled as the former queen gently tapped him on the end of his nose. With a chuckle the brunette turned back to the ever optimistic couple. Their overly happy, and pleased, grins made the darkness in her shiver with disgust.

Lightly shaking her head at herself, she took a deep breath and asked, "Have either of you seen Emma today? She was supposed to meet us here thirty minutes ago." Regina scoffed, "She has not even had the decency to let us know whether or not she intends to show up."

Charming and Snow glanced at one another. "Yeah actually, we just saw her at the loft a few minutes ago. She went up to her room. She is probably still there."

The older brunette nodded. Dropping her fork onto the table she stood and slipped her black coat on.

"Thank you. I'll be right back my Little Prince. I'm going to go have a chat with Ms Swan." Regina set a twenty dollar bill on the table for their lunch before poofing out of the diner.

Sliding into the seat the former queen had been in a few moments before, Henry's grandparents silently met each others eyes. Shaking his head with a soft chuckle David looked over at a smirking Henry.

"Emma is about to have her ear lectured right off."

Henry's smirk spread into a wide grin. "I don't know Grandpa. Knowing Mom, it's more like Ma's about to get a verbal lashing."

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 **Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't have a Beta so any and all mistakes are my own. I kinda forgot to say that earlier on.**

 **Disclaimer: Do not own OUaT or any of its characters.**

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A swirl of purple smoke filled the empty living room. The purple haze parted before disappearing completely, revealing a certain scowling brunette.

Regina quickly scanned the room for any sign of the younger woman. Not finding anything the brunette swiftly stormed her way up the stairs.

The loft was deathly silent. Other than the clicking of her heels Regina could not hear any noise signalling that anyone else was in the apartment.

Stopping before the door the brunette knew to be Emma's room, Regina knocked loudly.

There was no answer.

She knocked again. Regina waited a moment, as long as her already short patience would allow.

Nothing. No smart ass comeback. Not even an echo of movement.

Sighing through her nose, Regina glared heatedly at the door and said, "I know you're in there Ms. Swan. Open the door or I will do it myself."

Still no response.

The brunette tightly grasped the door handle. She quickly twisted it, only to find it locked. Flicking her free hand Regina magically unlocked it.

"I warned you Swan..." Regina trailed off as she pushed the door open. Brown eyes widened. The brunette leaned heavily against the doorway as her heart skidded to a ruff stop in her chest.

Lying on the floor before her was the blonde. Her skin was extremely pale in contrast to the small pool of red. The savior's chest barely moved with each shallow breath. Fresh cuts marked the skin of the blond's left arm.

"Emma." Regina whispered tears swimming in her eyes as she stumbled forward, falling to her knees next to the younger woman. Her pants quickly became warm and wet, sticking to her skin. Regina carefully pulled the blonde into her arms.

"Wake up." Regina's voice cracked, pleading with the other woman, "Please Emma. Please. Wake up."

Gently clutching the blonde closer, the the older woman trembled as she placed a hand over Emma's wounds. Magic poured from her fingertips and quickly stitched the savior's skin back together.

Slowly the younger woman's breathing deepened. Green eyes flickered open meeting tear filled brown eyes hovering above her.

"Regina." The blonde hoarsely whispered. Emma slowly sat up resting her elbows on her knees, and her head in her hands.

The brunette lightly reached for the younger woman's shoulder. The blonde flinched away, tightly squeezing her blue-green eyes shut.

"I...I'm sorry Regina I...I just..." Emma stumbled over her words searching for what to say. The blonde hesitantly looked up at her friend, and with her voice wavering, said, "Old habits die hard I guess."

Regina sighed softly. She reached out again not letting the blonde back away this time, and pulled Emma into a tight, warm, hug. The younger woman tensed up for what felt like the longest second of both their lives, before slowly melting into the safety of Regina's arms.

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 **Thanks for reading! I really hope you enjoyed! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey! Sorry I took so long to upload this. I'm not gonna lie writing this chapter kicked my ass. Between writers block and dealing with my own shit I forgot where exactly I was planning on going with this.**

 **So yeah, this might be the last chapter. Unless my muse shows back up and slaps me with some ideas. But anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: Do not own OUaT or its characters**

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Emma burrowed into Regina's warm arms. Tears fell down her cheeks staining the brunette's shirt. A violent sob tore from her chest. Emma leaned her forehead against Regina's neck as she reached up to tightly grip the older woman's sleeve.

Regina hummed softly as she gently ran her fingers through the long blonde waves resting against her. Tenderly she traced random shapes onto the damaged woman's shoulders. The former queen quietly waited for Emma's breathing to calm. The two sat curled together unaware, and uncaring, of how much time had passed.

"Emma, what the Hell were you thinking? Do you realize how upset Henry or your parents would be if they were the ones that found you? How much they... _I_ need you? Oh Emma..." Regina tightened her hold on the trembling blonde. The older woman lightly brushed her lips across Emma's long curls.

"I swear it isn't what you think!" Emma's voice came out cracked and muffled against Regina's chest. "I am so sorry. But I _swear_ I wasn't trying to...kill myself...I promise I didn't mean for it to go that far! _Please_ believe me Regina..."

"Then what _were_ you trying to do Emma? Because it looks like you were attempting just that." Regina slowly rocked the blonde in her arms. Her eyes stinging with unshed tears. But she held them back. Emma needed her to be her rock, and she knew she wouldn't be able to be that if they were both falling to pieces.

Emma sobbed, clinging to Regina as if she were the only thing holding her together. The savior's throat felt tight, making it feel as if she could hardly speak. "I'm so _sorry_ Regina! It's something I have done since I was back in the system. I just...I felt like I _needed_ to. One moment I feel fine and the next I feel so damn numb and angry. I wanted to cry and break stuff, and scream, and fight. I don't even know what triggers it half the time. I _needed_ to cut. Don't be mistaken, I don't _want_ to die. I just wanted to feel like me again."

The younger woman swallowed hard, timidly lifting her head from the brunette's shoulder. Emma quickly scrubbed the tears from her cheeks saying, "I didn't mean to scare you Regina. I didn't want anyone to see me like that. I am _so_ sor-"

Regina interrupted the blonde, and gently cradled _her_ Emma close.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence Emma Swan! You do not have to apologize for the way you feel. Yes, I would rather you not ever do that again. But that doesn't mean you should be ashamed. You can't control what you feel. But please, don't forget that you have people who love you. You have Henry, your brother, your ever nauseatingly optimistic parents, and..." Regina trailed off biting her lip. Emma's quiet sniffles and shaky breathing echoed around them. "And _me_. You've got me Emma. You don't have to go through this alone."

The brunette gave the younger woman a few moments to calm down before tenderly kissing the blonde's forehead.

"Is there anything else I can do, or get to help you feel better? Anything you need?"

Emma burrowed further into the older woman. " _You_. Only you Regina."

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 **Thanks so much for reading and supporting this story! I really hope you enjoyed it!**


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